First Post

I am not the most computer/technology savy person in the world so I am very sceptical of this 'blogging' game!

My girlfriend suggested writing a daily diary to track my fight with depression. I agreed with the hope that I will be able to look back at my posts in a few weeks and be pleasantly suprised with how far I have come...so here's to hoping that I dont get any worse! My main problem is my inability to accept that I have an illness and the embarssment and shame I feel about 'being depressed'.

At 26 years old I consider this to be my fourth period of 'clinical depression'...a term that I have learnt only recently. I am conscious that I am supposed to keep these blogs concise and punchy so I will not detail previous depressive periods - it is, however, worth pointing out that my first period was aged 18 and a genuinely believe that I was never unhappy for a prolongued period before this.

Back to the future...here I am, aged 26 - I have officially been unemployed for only seven days, in reality it has been since Monday 28/03/11. That was my last day of work at my old workplace - a job which I had held down for approx four and a half years. I had been offered a new job elsewhere and decided that in order to progress in my career I would have to leave, unfortunately there was a big doubt in the back of my mind that I was doing the right thing. I consider this (self enforced) change to be a key trigger to my latest depression.

The writing had been on the wall long before...as anyone who has ever experienced depression will understand, I had that sinking feeling. Simple tasks had become taxing, I was unable to concentrate, I was restless and uneasy...worst of all the suicidal thoughts were back. It is the confusion that always overwhelms me the most - I am a fairly intelligent and capable person but when I get down I just cannot function. I was due to start my new job on Monday 04/04/11...I had visited Wales with my girlfriend to 'clear my head' before this - during these few days I had ups and downs - only one thing was clear in my head...I wasn't going to work on that Monday.